In December 2014 I attended a Tony Robbins event called Date with Destiny. It’s quite an amazing event and it really challenges you to get into your “stuff” and find out why you’re here on earth. What’s your true purpose? I could go on and on about this event. I’ve attended twice and both times were just amazing experiences. You can get a taste of it by watching I’m Not Your Guru on Netflix.
Anyway one of the things the event did was provide tremendous perspective on life and things that happen in life. Like for instance effectively blaming someone for the wrong they did to me. Effectively blaming meaning that even if it was a negative experience, I can still see the good it also caused and blame the culprit for that too.
When you can effectively blame then you can effectively forgive. There’s good that comes from all things we may have to search for it, but if we do we can always find it.
And forgiveness is our path to healing. When we can forgive life opens up to us. Unforgiveness blocks blessings from flowing. And there’s a ripple effect throughout your life, relationships, health, and finances. It affects every area of your life.
When I was at Date With I received a powerful word. I didn’t know at the time what it meant for me. I had no clue why I had received this word. I thought I was already living from this place. I thought it was no problem for me. And what I really had no idea of was how it would show itself to me and unfold so beautifully over the next couple of years.
The word I received was Authenticity. You see I always thought I was being “real” Thought I was being real with myself and real with the outside world. Wow was I ever wrong. And what a painful process it has been to uncover all the areas where I had been living an inauthentic life.
I have an achiever personality. Always driven, had big dreams and goals for myself, always working hard, taking risks and pushing forward. And always running into walls and sabotaging myself.
As I bravely began to take the journey to living authentically I had to finally face myself and look at all the masks I had used, piled up on top of one another just to save face and keep up my facade.
To let everyone know I was the happy positive girl who had her shit together and all figured out. Who had the wonderful husband and the lifestyle that came with it.
When it all came crashing down all I was left with was myself. Quite literally. I was stripped of everything that used to be my identity and I had to start with me and build from there.
I had to start from the deepest, darkest, ugliest part of myself. The parts I wanted to hide, mask and not acknowledge were there. I had to start to actually love myself for exactly who I was no matter what. Period, no…matter…what.
I had to finally let go of it all, I guess surrender if you will. That’s a process I’ve been working on for a long time now and I continue to surrender layers every day.
You see I had always struggled with Acne and I had the lowest self-esteem. I would look in the mirror and curse what I saw. I would want to just hide my face. I literally hated what I saw. I didn’t see a blessing I saw a curse.
Since I couldn’t wear literal masks I began to put on figurative ones. Ones that said I had made something of myself, ones that said I didn’t feel or have emotion, ones that said I gave zero Eff’s, ones that said I’m not approachable, and ones that put me in complete masculine energy.
I had no idea I wore those masks. All I knew is that deep down things were not working for me in any area of my life and the more I tried to cover with masks the worse things became for me. The unhappier I became, the more I loathed myself, because I knew it wasn’t real. I knew I wasn’t real.
I have been doing personal development work for a while now, and each event was a chipping away at the stone/masks.
I did intense healing work all throughout 2016 one on one with my Doc in St Louis, at La Gianna and I just dove in. I guess somewhere deep down I knew I loved myself enough to give me the gift of freedom and of breaking free from these masks. The work I did last year with Dr. Phil was profound and truly transforming for my mind, body, and spirit.
Over the course of the past 45 days, I’ve taken the time to meditate every day for one hour. It was a huge commitment especially at first because I had to learn how to fit it into my life. But I made it a priority in some ways even more than my physical fitness, which has always been a priority of mine.
Let me share with you… oh my gosh. As I’ve done the work, dedicated my life to becoming a new person an authentic person, I’ve gone through a lot of pain to get here. I’ve had to set my egoic mind aside, I’ve had to accept certain things about myself and I’ve had to surrender to so many things.
But in ALL of that, I have found a love for myself I have never had before. I’m seeing the masks shed themselves and I’m falling more and more into my feminine energy. My feminine, living from that space is where and when I live with true authenticity.
Living from my feminine is my true super power. It’s the place where I can rest and just be me. It’s the place where the love of myself exists. It’s the place from which all that I desire can flow to me instead of away from me. Ladies this is the same for you. Your feminine is your super power. If you live from that place and stop competing with men and align with them. Stop emasculating them and embrace them, life will be so much better for you in every way.
Finding our authenticity and what it truly means is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. It’s a gift because we shed all the BS, all the fake stuff, all the shallow stuff, all the stuff not serving us anymore and we step into this powerful person that is capable of true love because we’ve found our one true love, which is our self.
Love of self is not selfish, it’s quite the opposite, it’s the foundation of everything healthy in our lives. It’s the place where we truly see ourselves and all that we are.
I’m so grateful for my path, the pain, the tears, the uncertainty, all the seemingly negative things on the path because they all led me to here, this moment, the moment I can know that I live from an authentic place. A place of freedom.